Looking back on 2011, there were so many memorable moments that in order to honor them and fully recollect and share the experiences with you would take another year!
I can recall going through so many emotions (more so than actual events) in the past year that I never could have predicted I'd have. I had to evaluate and resolve many emotions in order to rebuild and revive others.
I lost some, found others. I longed for some and was repulsed by others. I ached over some and cried because of them. I wish I could get rid of some yet I know I will always have them. I long and pray for some that I've never had, but I'm so anxious to have. I've gone through so many emotions. But the biggest one that stands out: love.
I love to love, and I long to be loved. This was, and has long been, a struggle for me. I'm constantly surrounded by love, relationships, commitments, marriages, families; it gets a little lonely in this ever-growing sea of relationships.
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and am so happy for all of my friends and family who are lucky enough to have that special someone. I'm just flat out jealous, is all. (darn you sin)
Throughout this past year, God has been and continues to call me back to Him. I'm constantly reminded that that little (actually pretty big) ache in my chest, that I THINK is me wanting that hand to hold while I walk down the street, is really the Holy Spirit aching for a deeper relationship with me.
I mean, I think I got it rough? How about the One who, out of true and pure love, made us and is continually pursuing us; and yet we keep giving Him constant rejection. Now that would make me depressed.
At times, it is SO incredibly hard to love someone who you can't see or touch, and I will always long for that physical love that only a hug or a hand-hold from my boyfriend can bring. But I need to remember that
God needs to come first. He's my first Love, and I need to build a strong, faithful, and loving relationship with Him before I pursue another. I mean, He did make me after all. I at least owe Him that much.
This year, I will continue to pray for my future husband. I will pray that he will continue to pursue God much more than I do. I will pray that he will constantly be reminded of His love and mercy, yet also His just anger and jealousy. I will pray that when we meet, He will pursue me almost as much as he pursues God - but not more than Him.
This year, I hope you too will be encouraged to pursue and cultivate your relationship with your first Love. I know I am. :)