Monday, January 12, 2009

Here's the scoop, my life part 1


Alrighty then, I guess I should share a little bit about myself. :)

When I was 4 years old, I was diagnosed with scoliosis. For those of you who don't have PHD's, scoliosis is a medical condition in which a person's spine is curved from side to side, and may also be rotated (in my case, it is). It is an abnormal lateral curvature of the spine. On an x-ray, the spine of an individual with a typical scoliosis may look more like an "S" or a "C" than a straight line (mine is an "S"). OK, I don't talk that way, I just like how Wikipedia summed it up. :) Anyways, as you can imagine, being a vivacious and spunky 4 year old I DID NOT want to stay inside with a fiberglass brace squeezing my little chubby body for 16 hours straight. So, at first, I didn't wear it nearly as long as the doctor said I should (I wore it about...8-10 hours). So I paid the price. After the next few check ups, it was getting worse. My degree of curvature went from about 40 degrees to about 60. Yeah, not good. My parents, being the loving amazing parents they are, disciplined me like every good parent should do (and now that I'm older, I grately appreciate and understand why they did). So I started wearing it more. And as I started to get older, I started to get a little sadder each day. The brace wasn't working. It was keeping the scoliosis from getting worse (which was great), but it wasn't helping with the actual curvature. I was getting no where. I started to feel sick easily eating curtain foods, which made eating out a little harder. :) Kids in private school picked on me a little, but I didn't mind that much. One thing that got to me was watching the 700 Club when I was about 8. Every episode, Pat would pray for all the people with physical ailments. I started to pray too, but I never recieved a miracle healing that other people on the show would get. I started to feel really down, like God wasn't hearing me, or that I wasn't worth it. Deep down I knew He loved me, but it just felt worthless to hope anymore. I remember one night after watching 700 Club, like usual nothing happened. So I said good night to everyone, and before I even closed my door, I started to cry. I couldn't take it. Being so hopeless for so long got to me. I prayed, "God why?! Why did you have to give me this?! I'm sick and tired of it! I'm not normal, I can't eat normally, I can't do the things normal kids do! Why?! Why?!" I cried myself to sleep that night, repeating the word "why" over and over. I didn't know what to do.

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